Management or Control

All of us are in the business of either managing or controlling others, whether friends, partners, employees, children, parents, teachers, helping professional and ourselves.

To manage others well is to identify their unique needs, attitude, emotions and motivations. When we understand what inspires, encourages and supports the other's happiness, health and self worth, we can offer helpful tools and techniques which benefit them. To do this we must step out of our comfort zone, put our own needs aside and listen to what works for them. This is loving. This is being truly helpful. This is being an effective change agent.

When we apply what works for us to others without considering their unique needs, we often find ourselves in a position of challenging, controlling or demanding from others and meeting resistance. This comes from putting our comfort, our needs and ideas first without fully understanding or considering the other. Often when we are busy, we neglect to take the time or space to really care. We simply do the selfish or expedient thing and demand our way.

To determine whether we are managing or controlling, we need only look at the results. If the child or adult is sullen, stubborn, unhappy, angry or scared, we are being ineffective. If the the person is cooperative, respectful, happy, appreciative and content, we are effective.

The controlling person may get results but with effort and often residual resentment or fear. The managing person will get results with minimal effort and often appreciation and respect.

When we are in a situation or relationship where help is not wanted or needed, we may experience the difference in viewpoint. This is a time to withdraw our efforts to change the situation or the behavior. This is a time to step back and simply trust in the process. Let go and let God.

Loving us all, Betty Lue

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