When Is Help Not Helpful?

When we give help that is unwanted, it may be offensive or interfering with the other’s learning. When we offer help that creates resistance or defensiveness, it is not truly helpful. When we give help that disempowers or discourages the one we believe needs help, it is not helpful. When we offer help that misleads the other to trust us rather than themselves, it is not helpful. When we offer help that patronizes or sets us apart from the need for healing, it teaches falsely. When we interfere and teach fear by butting into another’s process, it is not helpful. When we publicly offer help, shaming or criticizing, it is not helpful. When we evaluate another’s work focused on what is wrong, it is not helpful. When we do not take care of our own needs and project them onto others, it is not helpful. When we think of another as needy or incapable, it is not helpful.

Consider the times when someone tried to help you, but it hurt, offended or interrupted your process. Look for times when you realize your help hurt more than it helped. Acknowledge when you help was received as genuine and truly helpful. Appreciate your sensitivity when you knew intuitively it will helpful to offer help.

Many have learned to find self worth in helping others. Some have tried to be better than others by demonstrating their wisdom or importance. Some are busy convincing themselves they are wanted and needed by teaching others to be dependent. Some think they are loving and kind by interfering in other’s lives.

The best way to know when to offer help, is to listen within. The inner guidance will often be “send blessings” or “see them whole.” Take time to stop and ask you own intention before offering help. Be wiling to notice any egoic attachment to being better than or getting noticed or being the savior.

Conditions of service, truly being helpful:Wait until you are asked. Or offer help if needed and wanted. Ask specifically what help they want. Clarify any conditions that may exist. Set a time frame for the help.—beginning and ending time. If confidential sharing, set aside a private place. Make sure there is no sacrifice or martyrdom present for you. Recognize and acknowledge how you are being helped by the service you are giving. Create no guilt or need for payback. Give from your own fullness and joy in giving. Be sure your intention is pure.

Loving us all as we serve us (service) Betty Lue

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