Create, Avoid or Heal Conflict?

What we experience, we have asked either consciously or unconsciously. What we want, we can create on purpose or with our responses and/or reactions. What we have, we need to be fully responsible for in order to effect change. What we create, avoid or heal is a choice we can make individually.

Many blame conflict on someone else’s opinions or choices. Conflict is the result of disagreeing with others’ perceptions, choices and behavior. Conflict comes when we need to declare our differences without accepting others. Everyone has a right to think, speak and behave according to their own beliefs.

When others thoughts, words and behavior impacts us negatively, we must make our own choices. We can fight. We can try to influence them. We can avoid them. We can heal our own reactions. We can change our thoughts, words and behaviors. We can get stuck in proving them wrong. We can try to get them to understand. We can accept them as they are.

The best way to create conflict is to be hurt or offended and disagree or make the other “wrong”. The best way to avoid conflict is to be forgiving and loving and allow others to do what they do. The best way to heal conflict is to be peaceful and listen to the deeper needs of the other. The best way to live is to allow conflict to awaken us to seek better ways to relate with love.

Most people develop their reactions and responses from early childhood. What we see and hear and feel, we expect . What we expect, we look for and encourage with our attention. When we give attention and encouragement to conflict, it increases and grows in intensity.

When we live in a home with arguing and hurting with words and behavior, we expect the same. When we see parents hurting each other with angry words and hurtful behavior, we believe it is necessary. When we know only people fighting to be “right” and making others wrong, we know no other way. When we live to “win” and try to make others “lose”, we learn to do the same.

When we grow up in a peaceful home, with no fighting or conflict, we expect the same. When our parents find ways to agree or resolve conflicts with respect, we trust love is not hurtful. When we see others work out differences with respect, responsibility and cooperation, we know only this. When we live wanting win-win and peaceful solutions, we do not understand why the need to argue.

To love is to trust we all are doing the best we know. To love is to free ourselves and others to learn from experience. To love is to let go of fear and know everything is a lesson we can learn. To love is to seek to be peace, extend peace and have peace in our hearts, minds, words and actions.

Peace is a choice I can make. Peace begins with me.

If Children (and Adults) Live With………. If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn. If children live with hostility, they learn to fight. If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive. If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves. If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy. If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy. If children live with: criticism, hostility, fear, pity, ridicule or jealousy, They will learn to: condemn, fight, be apprehensive, feel sorry for themselves, feel shy and feel envy. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence. If children live with tolerance, they learn patience. If children live with praise, they learn appreciation. If children live with acceptance, they learn to love. If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves. If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal. If children live with sharing, they learn generosity. If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness. If children live with fairness, they learn justice. If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect. If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and others. If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Always willing to let go and return to Love, Betty Lue

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