Relationships

Relationships are for the purpose of healing ourselves. Relationships show us where we are withholding love. Relationships give us feedback about what we believe. Relationships demonstrate where we feel lacking, limited and less than.

When we are in relationship with another, we notice in them and in us what is not OK. When we are in relationship, we can tell where we are sensitive, easily hurt and reactive. When we feel pain or upset, our buttons have been pushed and we can feel what needs to heal. Where we need to heal is our responsibility and not the responsibility of the other.

When we get hurt by someone else and our thoughts, we need to step away and heal ourselves. When we are offended, angry, impatient or unable to respond with love, we need to clear the past. All upsets are past similars, usually directly related to what is unfinished, misunderstood or fearful. The past has imprinted us with beliefs, choices and feelings that attract the same to us.

It takes some willingness to know that we attract the same experiences we are accustomed to. Or we attract similar feelings and behaviors of what we experienced in early childhood. Or we make up what we see in the other is the same as we experienced before. And when we have what seems too good or too different, we find a way to get out of relationship.

Where we learned to fear loving and being loved, we may create blocks to love. Where we learned to distrust unconditional love, we may not trust the love we have. When we learned to avoid, defend, deny, discredit, distrust the love we have, we may stop Love. When we can fully forgive these experiences, we open fully to love and be loved no matter what.

Relationships offer experiences which we may take personally, make assumptions, withhold our best and quit. Relationship give us the opportunity to forgive our judgments, past learning and fears and choose again. Relationships call for taking nothing personally, making no assumptions, giving always our best and never quitting on Love. When we are willing to take full responsibility for the quality of our relationships, we heal and learn.

To heal ourselves, relationships encourage us to commit to the forgiving, healing and learning. To heal ourselves, we need to be willing to be honest with ourselves and others. To heal ourselves, we need to trust that everyone is doing their best with what they believe. To heal ourselves, we need to commit to what is highest and best (most healing) for both.

Relationships are our report card. Relationships show us where we do not love. Relationships give us clues about what needs to be forgiven in us. Relationships offer direct feedback about our fears, regrets, resentments and unwillingness.

The only mistake is when we forget to love ourselves. When relationships are unfinished and unhealed, they keep haunting us in new forms. When we are willing to Love, we respond only with Love, patience, kindness and respect. When we are afraid to Love, we react with Fear, impatience, ignorance and disrespect.

Let us learn to Love ourselves and all others equally.

Unconscious Patterns of Relationships Anything unresolved with parents will come up in our relationships 1. We tend to recreate our parent personality type in other relationships.

2. We tend to recreate the kind of relationship we had with our parents in our other relationships.

3. We tend to copy the relationship our parents had with each other by acting out their roles in order to understand and justify their behavior.

4. We tend to create upsets to get disapproval from our partners as our parents disapproved of us.

5. We tend to get even with our parents by having relationships that they won't accept.

6. We tend to seek relationships to play helpless, to be in control by being a child, wanting the other to be our parent.

7. We tend to recreate the same degree of struggle in our relationships as we had in our family pattern.

8. We tend to bring our suppressed sexual feelings from childhood (incest) into our relationships and feel inhibited sexually.

9. We tend to attract a partner who fits all our patterns.

We attract what we're accustomed to. We interpret others' behaviors as being the same as in our family patterns. We cause or create behavior we're used to. We leave relationships which are too easy or good or which don't fit our patterns.

A Synthesis of Loving Relationships Training with Sondra Ray 1978 See her books: I Deserve Love and The Only Diet There Is

Loving you and loving me as we return to Love, Betty Lue

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