Stop Fighting and Start Listening

Respectful Families Workshop: Positive Parenting and Grandparenting This Saturday, May 11, 2:30-5PM. Positive Living Center in Hidden Valley Lake, CA Dr. Betty Lue Lieber, PhD MFT and Robert Waldon, PhD ND, Relationships and Communication Specialists

Live your values and learn life skills. Model respect and responsibility. Learn to communicate effectively. Encourage cooperation and helpfulness. Love with forgiveness, freedom and trust. It is essential we learn to live and teach basic values. Contribution basis. Request the online recording of workshop and handouts if you cannot attend.

Stop Fighting and Start Listening

Fighting is a waste of time and energy. Getting even hurts everyone, including you. Demanding to get your way is childish and immature. The need to be right makes everyone unhappy.

Why do what is ineffective? Why continue hurtful habits? Why repeat the same mistakes? Why use fear to motivate and win?

If you grew up with fighting, you may not know there is a better way. If you fear losing, you may choose to make everyone lose. If you prefer being right to being happy, you will lose in your relationships. If you cannot control your temper and fear (of losing), you will be unhappy.

There is a better way. You can be happy. You can create trust in your relationships. You can learn to practice kindness and respect when you listen.

Everyone has their own needs. When we can hear what each person needs, we can respond with win/win solutions. When we listen with our heart, we will know how to resolve every disagreement with respect. When we can step away from conflict until we see clearly, we will know what is best for all.

Most fights are petty, small stuff, that doesn’t matter really. Most fights come from the need to be right and to win. Most fights are signs that we do not understand and are unwilling to listen. Most fights can be averted simply with: “ I hear you and thank you for sharing.”

Relationships are based on trust. When we feel heard and respected, we learn to trust. When we are treated with kindness and accepted, we feel free to express. It is through honest open expression that we hear ourselves and can learn what works.

Knowing what matters most, our priority for truth, will achieve the results we want. Rather than fight with our teens, we need to listen to them. Rather than argue with our partners, we need to hear what they have to say. Open and willing, respectful and responsive listening is without rebuttal or questioning or negativity.

Take time to listen today. Say nothing except “Thanks” unless they specifically ask for you feedback. Keep what you say simple clear and nonjudgmental. “I hear you. I trust you. I thank you for sharing with me.”

Do It Anyway (Apply this to family relationships)

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you. Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy it all overnight. Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

Everything I do, I do for Love. Betty Lue

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