How Do You Love?

The world teaches love is emotional attachment, often with need to control, restrict, distrust, with jealousy, envy, limitation, fixing and more. This seems like FEAR to me... Love in the highest sense is detachment with a desire to trust and free others to fully be themselves. LOVE allows, is patient and supportive, encouraging and inspiring, valuing and appreciative.

Parental Love is guiding, not pushing or punishing. (See the flower poem below.) Parental Fear is demanding, often controlling, restrictive and frightened for the child and oneself. When adult authorities are distrustful, needy or dependent on the child’s allegiance, they may make the child’s behavior their source of gratification and identity. Parents, teachers and elders need to love and teach primarily by example, living what they say and do.

Partner Love is respectful, honest, encouraging, responsible and helpful in achieving joined goals. Relationship Love always gives one’s best, listens and learns equally, committed to what is Good for both. Friendship Love is courteous, accepting, appreciative, honoring differences without resistance. All loves have the same qualities with different flavors according to the form of relationship.

In love there is freedom and trust. In fear there is limitation and doubt. In love there is confidence and accepting communication. In fear there is distrust and defiance.

When we do not know how to love, trust and respect ourselves, we take out our distrust on others. When we do not fully trust and appreciate ourselves, we may scapegoat or bully loved ones. When we do not honor our own needs and live with integrity, we may demand others meet our needs. When we are unwilling to take full responsibility for the quality of our relationships, we may do harm.

Before we hurt ourselves and others with lack of trust, respect and responsibility, we can change. It is essential that we transform the nature of our relationship within ourselves. Where there is no role model or understanding of how to love, we fall into unhealthy patterns. When relationships are not working successfully, we can forgive the past and choose another way.

Begin to treat yourself with love, trust, respect and appreciation. The more you trust, respect and honor yourself, the more you will trust, respect and honor others. The more you trust, respect and honor yourself, the more others will trust, respect and honor you. The more you trust, respect and honor yourself, the more others will do the same for themselves.

Helpful hints: Stop judging yourself and others. Start forgiving your judgments. Clear the past and live in the present. Treat yourself with respect. Treat others with respect. Use emotions only as wakeup calls. Clear all toxic emotions privately, (Never dump on others.) Stop using guilt to try to control yourself or others. ( Guilt doesn’t work. Guilt create repeat behaviors.) Start listening deeply. Learn about what really matters for yourself and the other. Create a safe place to listen. (Safe = total acceptance and no negative feedback or interruptions.) Be your best self in all relationships at all times. Make no assumptions about what the other wants, thinks, feels or needs. Accept differences of opinion, belief, behavior and motivation. Allow people to be different and to change. Trust everyone is doing the best they know. Respect the lessons and appreciate the blessings.

All are playing our parts to heal and help, learn and grow, forgive and let go, understand and find peace. Everyone is doing their best to live, love and be happy. We are here to find what works best for us.

PS Special relationships often bring out the worst in us. We can see what we need to heal and transform. We clarify that we do not want to harm or be harmed. We understand it is our call to find a better way that works for everyone. Take time to listen and love the one you are with. Namaste.

You Are A Flower in the Garden of Life

If you would grow to be your best self Be patient, not demanding Accepting, not condemning Nurturing, not withholding Self-marveling, not belittling Gently guiding, not pushing & punishing

For you are more sensitive than you know Mankind is tough as war Yet delicate as flowers We can endure agonies But we open fully only to warmth & light And our need to grow is fragile as a fragrance Dispersed by storms of will To return only when those storms are still

So accept, respect, Attend your sensitivity

A flower Cannot be opened With a hammer

Anonymous

Loving you in your willingness, Betty Lue

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