Healthy Relationships

Succcessful Relationships and Partnerships

Relationships, all of them, are for healing ourselves. Whatever comes up in life is an opportunity to heal something similar in the past. Most if not all upsets are unconscious past patterns showing up so we can heal them. When they are revealed with an upset , it is essential that we not blame or criticize.

Whatever creates guilt about hurting another or fear of having them leave us will not help. To help us heal, we must look at our own attachment, fears, victimization and blame. We must review how we want our relationships to be and begin our own journey within. When we create what we want with our thoughts, words and behavior, we are healing.

Often in “falling in love” you “fall in love” with how you feel in the presence of the other. There is a “happiness bubble” which can last a few days or many years. This stage is when each person shows their best trying to please and be what the other wants. It is temporary because it is only showing what we want to be seen.

When the bubble bursts, whether in business partnership or personal relationship , there is upset. People often fall in love with the frame on the picture, the outside glitter and glamor. When the relationship loses its shine or people no longer “please” one another, it often ends.

Relationships are ideally created to support and inspiring each other to be your best. When the other is not ready, able or willing to be supportive, there may be disappointment and hurt. When we depend on another giving us what we want, we tend to become spoiled or dependent. When our needs are not met, often people are disheartened and quit on the other.

Relationships lose mystery and “magnetic attraction” often when you get to really know the other. People who feel chemistry or magic often are attracted by what they don’t know. When attracted to the unknown or mystery, you may go from one partner to another. Looking for a sensation or feeling is often seen at “love”.

To choose what you want in relationship, make a list of your ideal qualities of relating. Honesty, humor, forgiveness, safety, openness, commitment, etc. Then assess whether you yourself are living your ideals. The first step to healthy relationship is consistently giving what you want to receive.

People give what they have. People teach others to have by giving. In relationship we can give to others or “get” from others. When they have to give, they often get resentful. When they have nothing to give, they often get rejected.

How we can create success is by being loving and respectful to ourselves. When you have love to give, share it without expectation. When you don’t have love to share, take care of yourself. We need to learn to find and fulfill the love inside, so we are not needy and dependent.

Successful relationships require work. I am willing to continue to heal, learn and grow to always do the work to heal within and help without. Love in us needs to be set free to be, first to love ourselves and then to give love to others. I am loving myself and you with everything I think and say and do.

Keys to Successful Relationships

Joining-Create a common vision or shared goal. Honesty- Communicate your true intention without secrets or withholds. Equality-Each is giving the best they know in each moment. Commitment- Agree to what is highest and best for both parties. Responsibility- Be able and willing to respond consciously to all relationship needs without guilt or blame. Be respectful and forgiving of mistakes made.

Successful Relationships

To have successful relationships with partners, spouse, coworkers, teammates, children there are five essential factors: Joining, Honesty, Equality, Commitment, Responsibility.

Joining: All parties must share a common goal or vision for their relationship. This shared vision comes from communication regarding the needs of each individual, their vision for the future and what they share in common.

Honesty: Honest communication is sharing what really matters with no blame, guilt or withholds. Honest is a byproduct of integrity, living one’s life on purpose with openness and appreciation.

Equality: When both parties are giving their best in each moment, there is equality. Equality is not measured by comparison: it is experienced when there is the willingness to give one’s best even when it is less than the other. To quit or hold back on one’s giving creates inequality.

Commitment: To commit to the fulfillment of the desired vision or goal and to the success of the relationship requires always choosing what is best for both. Decisions are based on what is a win/win for all concerned. One must be committed to what is highest and best for each party.

Responsibility: Being fully able and willing to respond to whatever is needed to create success through joining, honesty, equality and commitment is being fully responsible. Where there is guilt or blame being communicated, there is inequality and victimization as well as lack of responsibility.

To be successful requires staying conscious. To be successful requires a willingness to communicate with respect. To be successful requires an acceptance of differences. To be successful requires open-minded and appreciation of all parties.

To take on unconscious patterns of dysfunctional family systems will limit the success of one’s joining, honest communication, true willingness to give., total commitment to what is best for all and assuming full responsibility for the quality of the relationship.

If you want success and fulfillment in your relationships, begin today to observe what you can do to improve them in every way. You need not depend upon the other changing in order to increase the quality of your relating.

Blessings for choosing a better way,

Life is fulfilled with sharing the Love, Betty Lue

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