Are You Grieving?

Grieving?

Grief looks and feels different for everyone. Grief has many stages and phases and changes. When you feel sad, depressed, angry, tired, you may be grieving. When you feel lonely, irritated, sick or confused, you may be grieving.

Grief is usually seen as Loss of a Loved One. Grief can be loss of a physical or mental ability from disease or aging. We may grieve over loss of a home, job, or relationship. We can grieve loss of innocence, trust, faith or hope.

When we lose something or someone to whom we are attached, there is an obvious experience. Sometimes we get mad and blame. Sometimes we feel sad and mourn. Sometimes we try to fix or deny. Sometimes we bargain and try to get back.

There are many ways we experience in our bodies, our thought, our feelings, our relationships. All are perhaps not seen as grief, but we need to respond to ourselves with compassion and love. We can most easily learn about our needs and take care of ourselves. We can ask for help, support, listening and for kindness from others.

Since life is mostly about letting go, grieving is natural for most. Some experience no “grief”, but rather experience acceptance for what is. When we listen to and honor our inner voice, we allow whatever to be as it is. When we trust in our process, we pay attention and let go of our fears.

Take time to feel what you feel. Be aware of what your thoughts are. Write down what you believe and what you are learning. Stay open to the obvious and subtle awareness that comes.

Some references and resources that may be helpul. How to Survive the Loss of a Love , Peter Mc Williams. (free on line) Honorable Closure Process below. Write letters expressing the multitude of feelings. Be willing to experience without judging oneself. Talk out loud to the person, object or experience. Ask again and again more deeply, “What am I learning?”

There is no “normal” grieving time or way. Love yourself just as you are with kindness. Forgive and let go with Love. Release you fear and love again.

Honorable Closure How do you complete a relationship, marriage, teaching-learning experience, job or friendship? How do you know you are really complete? People may walk away without really finishing the healing work, because it is easier emotionally. People don’t know how to come to a truly peaceful place, where “good-bye” is “God be with You”.

When we are complete, we are at peace and in love. We have no regrets, no resentments, no unhappy memories.

Honorable closure acknowledges: 1) the learning and growth received, 2) challenges and difficulties experienced, 3) appreciation of gifts and blessings, 4) forgiveness and amends made.

Acknowledge within your self and with the other person all that you have learned and how you have grown and benefited from the experience. Honor and express the challenges and difficulties that occurred and perhaps were endured during the time together. Offer your gratitude and appreciation to the other for the benefits you received. Share your forgiveness and/or make amends for those places of unconscious or conscious errors of omission or commission. Often neither party is aware of what went unexpressed until the two have an opportunity to talk together. This is very valuable when done with the conscious intention for a peaceful conclusion. **And lastly, give your full appreciation and blessings to those whom you are leaving.

Honorable closure includes a face to face or heart to heart connection so that all parties have a full opportunity to express their piece of the whole. Incompletion is never one sided. If one party loses and is in grief neither person is at peace. If you cannot complete in person, write out your thoughts and feeling respectfully and with gratitude. I am grateful I have learned… I am grateful I was challenged…… I am grateful to have regrets which I can apologize for and learn from. I am grateful to see how much I have received and appreciate……..

Do your part when you part. When we complete a relationship, job, living situation with honor for all, we are free to choose again without being haunted by the past or unconsciously repeating the same patterns.

To move on, to create anew, to be fully inspired requires honorable closure. Begin now! Saying good-bye can be done with love, respect and profound gratitude and inner peace. Do it Now! Betty Lue 1983

Loving you always, Betty Lue

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