When Stuff Happens......

When Stuff Happens…..

Things may fall apart, so they can fall together. Disintegration often yields integration at a higher level. Change may create chaos, so we can find a new level of order. Losing everything may give a new perspective on what is truly valuable.

When stuff happens, what do we do? Most of our reactive behaviors come from what we learned to do as young children. Some have a temper tantrum and fall apart. Some get very quiet and get to work. Some are amazed and delighted by the mess. Some keep asking: “Why is this happening to me?” Some take a vacation or go to sleep to come back refreshed. Some fall apart and feel sorry for themselves. Some get drunk or high to avoid the pain and confusion. Some cannot get respond until they get themselves together. Some seek friends to talk with. Some need alone time to figure out what to do. Some feel relieved to get out of their stuckness. Some feel energized about the new beginning. Everyone handles catastrophe and change differently.

For some people, comfort and order provide sanity. For others, their routine and familiar patterns represent who they are. Safety and security often mean love. And when not safe and secure, we feel loss of love.

Whether people are traumatized, we need to understand and help stabilize. It is important to respond with safety, security and love. Often children simply need a familiar object to cling to. Others may need a good home-cooked meal or good bed to sleep in.

Whether losing home, job or relationship, it is essential we understand the needs. Whether abrupt or planned out well, everyone needs to feel safe, secure and stable. When the basics in life are uncertain, everyone needs a way to find their center. When we put the pieces together, everyone will begin to feel sane and safe again.

To help ourselves and others, we can contribute comfort and reassurance. We can encourage familiar songs and foods, and positive dreams and memories. It is always helpful to ground others with touch and taste and sound and sights. Everyone will be reassured differently, so gently explore what brings comfort.

Remember to not judge but offer peace and understanding to yourself and others.

Grateful for the profound love, safety and comfort we offer one another, Betty Lue

Life is for caring and sharing. When we care, we feel Alive with Love. When we share, we feel Good and True. We are connected, when we Love.

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