Focus On The Solution!

Look for Solutions

Stop Feeding the Problem Don’t give an addict more of the same. Don’t give the alcoholic a bottle. Don’t give the spender more money. Don’t give a workaholic more work to do. Don’t give a worrier something more to worry about. Don’t give a hypochondriac a new illness. Don’t feed a diabetic more sugar. Don’t give an obese person a 3000 calorie meal. Don’t give a violent person a weapon. Don’t give a crazy person more fear. Don’t give an angry person more anger. Don’t add fuel to the fire.

Don’t encourage or support the behavior that is clearly a problem. In our desire to make the problem go away, many will give in to the problem. Hurting ourselves does not stop, just because we medicate the hurting. Soothing is a temporary or momentary fix to what is the real problem.

Co-dependents are defined many ways. I would say we soothe one another’s addictions. We collude in the errant or sick behavior. We think if we stop the pain right now, wisdom will come.

If I cannot handle another’s unhappiness, I will try to make them happy. If I cannot stand pain, I may take away others’ self inflicted pain. When I cannot stand guilt, I may create multiple ways to blame. When I take the blame for others' pain, I may take responsibility for taking away the pain.

My choice for healing with full respect for the differences: Observe and expose the problem. Forgive my judgments. Stop trying to fix others. Teach others. Stop making anyone wrong. Release attachments and dependencies. Stop covering my errors. Clean up myself as I go. Stop adding to problems, by adding complication. Keep love simple. Stop judging and worrying. Learn to trust and set others free. Stop being codependent. Give others full responsibility. Stop supporting and reinforcing the difficulties. Focus on strengths and encourage responsible behavior. Stop focusing on the problem. Start focusing on the solution.

I must listen within to know what to do and what not to do. I must respect and honor each individual’s path. I must be aware of when I am handling another’s pain, because of my own issues. I must trust we are all doing the work together, because we all have the same work.

Loving myself, as I do the best I know with each one. Love your intention and do not depend on controlling the outcome.

Betty Lue

Show up and pay attention. Tell the High Truth and detach from the Outcome. Go to God or Higher Power for the Real Answers.

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